Usually my mom is in on the surprise, but this time I literally knocked her off her feet :)
One such trip home, I went to see my grandma. I never quite know if its a good idea to surprise her this much. She’s getting on in years and I’m pretty sure being responsible for a heart attack would kind of overshadow my whole surprise thing. It turned out okay and she was excited to see me, but she couldn’t just leave it at that.
Generally people with CSS (Chronic Singlehood Syndrome) are mostly immune to the kinds of comments my grandma was about to make and are generally able to laugh them off. You may not have guessed (bless your little heart if you didn’t) but I am a part of the aforementioned people.
I spent the next hour convincing her that, “No Grandma, I didn’t come home to surprise you because I got engaged.” “Yes, Grandma I’m still single.” “You’re right Grandma, it COULD happen someday.”
We finally moved on to others kinds of chit chat but only after I had convinced her I would try my best to have children while she was still on this earth. I think I still have a bit of time before I start placing adds in the personals for a baby daddy.
So back to present day. I’m sitting in my apartment, hard at work, being a studious.. well... student and definitely not thinking about the above memory when my phone rings. As I get ready to answer the phone and chew out the solicitor on the other end for interrupting my devout study time, I sighed and decided to just be nice for once.
Well it paid off... almost. After establishing I lived locally in the San Francisco area, I was told my number had been selected to win two free round-trip tickets to anywhere in the country. (I know what you’re thinking, I was skeptical too.)
“Do I have to buy anything?”
“No.”
“Do I have to sign up for anything?”
“No.”
“Well what do I have to do?”
“All you have to do is answer a couple demographic questions and come to our Travel Agency office in the city and pick up the tickets in person.”
I figured what could it hurt to hear the questions? If they got weird I didn’t have to answer, right? I needn’t have worried.
“Okay, go a head.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Oh? What do you mean oh? Do you know my grandma??
“Nope, not married.”
“Well, this promotion is only for married people.” Okay seriously, how much did she pay you to call me?
“Um okay.”
“Do you know any married people you could pass this on to?”
“Yes.” Just because I have CSS doesn’t mean everyone I know does!
“Okay.”
“You’re sure they don’t have to sign up for anything or buy anything though?” I wasn’t about to join the ring of solicitors. Call me crazy, but I’ve kind of grown used to not being hated by society.
“All they have to do is come to the office in person to pick up the tickets.”
“Well, could I pick them up for them?”
“No.”
“Well I don’t have any local married friends.”
“That’s too bad.” I guess? Hasn’t bothered me thus far...
“Well thanks anyway.”
“I’ll tell you what, since you were so nice to me, I’ll keep your number on file and if we have any future promotions for single women, we’ll call you.”
“Thanks very much, have a good night.” Click.
Riiing, Riiing, Riiing, “Thank you for calling Comcast, may I help you?”
“Yes, I’d like to see about changing my phone number.”
I think I might still need some time to process the “moral of the story.” But what I do know is that next time I read “Single Woman Seeking Married Couples” in the personals, I won’t be so fast to jump to conclusions.
Xo,
Lauren
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