Now, being a seasoned traveller, I thought I handled myself pretty well when this happened… but that didn’t keep the reel from playing in my head… me getting picked up by airport security, missing my plane, having to call my parents and tell them I was under suspicion of carrying chemical weapons on the plane… you get the idea. As much as it would have spiced up my blog, I was not looking forward to crossing “getting arrested by airport security” off my bucket list quite yet.
My luggage was scanned and then pulled apart. I tried really hard not to laugh as the security man carefully examined the butt of my stuffed dog. Eventually my luggage and I were taken into custody and I was informed they were taking me to a private room for the infamous “pat-down.” Oh joy. I was escorted by two women to a small room off the side of the security section. I’ll save you details but I will say it would have been a heck of a lot less awkward if the lady hadn’t been announcing the process. “I’m going to touch you here… now here… you’re going to feel my hand … here.” Seriously? I mean I get why they have to do that, but its all a little freaky. Not to mention the “back-up” lady whose staring us down while all of this is taking place “to limit lawsuits of course.” I honestly can’t understand how anyone could ever be comfortable being in porn. Sheesh!
I was asked what I did for a living (upside: this meant I came across as employable) and what I had done all day. Now my family can account for my awful memory, but to the average stranger it may have appeared as if I was making up my story. They asked me if I had done anything unusual today. I said no, and preceded to recount my day. Last minute packing, drive through at the bank, UPS (shoot, shouldn’t have said that, now they’re going to think I was shipping bombs), and picked up lunch (that they had to believe because it was still sitting wrapped up in my carry-on).
Then a light bulb went off and I may have said “Oh!” just a little too loudly for such a small room. I told them I had used my sister’s hair smoothing oil that morning. Then I didn’t know if that was a mistake too. While I know my sister isn’t carrying around chemical bomb ingredients(although there IS that suspicious black backpack she brings everywhere ;) I didn’t know if that was the real cause, and if not, I may have just unintentionally made my sister a person of interest. (I swear my thoughts sometimes travel at the speed of light).
I was thinking about how I would get her out of this (and how much fake passports would cost) when the voyeur, I mean the back up woman, left the room and came back and said I was clear and free to go. They replied it was just my hands that had set off the alarm. I wanted to reply. “Well too bad I’m not going without them,” but alas my parent’s raised me right and I accepted this was neither the place or time to “get fresh.” I was content with their unofficial confirmation that it was my hands and the only thing of question they had come into contact with was my sister’s hair product!
Once I was cleared of harboring any kind of chemical bomb on my person or in my luggage I was free to go. Nervous that this little delay would interfere with my boarding on time and selecting primo seating (Southwest all the way!) I quickly rushed for my gate. I caused minimal hazard as I began checking text messages while I hurried through the airport (thank you moving sidewalks) however, I discovered my flight was delayed 35 minutes. Bummer (but not the end of the world). I preceded to grab some much needed plane necessities… bottled water, gum, and Excedrin which although a last minute decision, practically proved my prophetic abilities as the nonstop plane people chatter gave me a headache mid-trip.
Xo,
Lauren
