Calling All Baby Daddies

I love surprises. Love, love, love them! This is especially true when I am the one doing the surprising.  I try to do this every so often. My idea of a good surprise is flying back home to the East coast without anyone knowing. I’ve managed to pull this off a lot.  The best time was when neither of my parents knew.

Usually my mom is in on the surprise, but this time I literally knocked her off her feet :)

One such trip home, I went to see my grandma.  I never quite know if its a good idea to surprise her this much. She’s getting on in years and I’m pretty sure being responsible for a heart attack would kind of overshadow my whole surprise thing.  It turned out okay and she was excited to see me, but she couldn’t just leave it at that.

Generally people with CSS (Chronic Singlehood Syndrome) are mostly immune to the kinds of comments my grandma was about to make and are generally able to laugh them off.  You may not have guessed (bless your little heart if you didn’t) but I am a part of the aforementioned people.

I spent the next hour convincing her that, “No Grandma, I didn’t come home to surprise you because I got engaged.”  “Yes, Grandma I’m still single.”  “You’re right Grandma, it COULD happen someday.”

We finally moved on to others kinds of chit chat but only after I had convinced her I would try my best to have children while she was still on this earth.  I think I still have a bit of time before I start placing adds in the personals for a baby daddy.

So back to present day. I’m sitting in my apartment, hard at work, being a studious.. well... student and definitely not thinking about the above memory when my phone rings.  As I get ready to answer the phone and chew out the solicitor on the other end for interrupting my devout study time, I sighed and decided to just be nice for once.

Well it paid off... almost.  After establishing I lived locally in the San Francisco area, I was told my number had been selected to win two free round-trip tickets to anywhere in the country. (I know what you’re thinking, I was skeptical too.)

“Do I have to buy anything?”

“No.”

“Do I have to sign up for anything?”

“No.”

“Well what do I have to do?”

“All you have to do is answer a couple demographic questions and come to our Travel Agency office in the city and pick up the tickets in person.”

I figured what could it hurt to hear the questions?  If they got weird I didn’t have to answer, right?  I needn’t have worried.

“Okay, go a head.”

“Are you married?”

“No.”

“Oh.”  Oh?  What do you mean oh? Do you know my grandma??

“Nope, not married.”

“Well, this promotion is only for married people.”  Okay seriously, how much did she pay you to call me?

“Um okay.”

“Do you know any married people you could pass this on to?”

“Yes.”  Just because I have CSS doesn’t mean everyone I know does!

“Okay.”

“You’re sure they don’t have to sign up for anything or buy anything though?” I wasn’t about to join the ring of solicitors. Call me crazy, but I’ve kind of grown used to not being hated by society.

“All they have to do is come to the office in person to pick up the tickets.”

“Well, could I pick them up for them?”

“No.”

“Well I don’t have any local married friends.”

“That’s too bad.” I guess? Hasn’t bothered me thus far...

“Well thanks anyway.”

“I’ll tell you what, since you were so nice to me, I’ll keep your number on file and if we have any future promotions for single women, we’ll call you.”

“Thanks very much, have a good night.” Click.

Riiing, Riiing, Riiing, “Thank you for calling Comcast, may I help you?”

“Yes, I’d like to see about changing my phone number.”

I think I might still need some time to process the “moral of the story.”  But what I do know is that next time I read “Single Woman Seeking Married Couples” in the personals, I won’t be so fast to jump to conclusions.

Xo,
Lauren

What Happens in Walmart & The Kindness of Strangers (Part II of ‘Returning Nora to Ohio’)

I’m going back in time… well only by a month & a half… to finish chronicling my journey to and from Ohio to take my sister back to school.  The night we arrived we decided to get up early the next morning to get a lot accomplished, so unsurprisingly, we slept in.  I guess we now know one downside to not having the responsible parentals present.

I’ll cut out the details about getting ready, going back over to her apartment, checking in, getting her key so she could move her suitcases from the apartment hall into her actual room, and making a list of what NEEDED to come back with us from Walmart later that day. (Dad put us on a strict budget, which we almost successfully stuck to.)

So we arrived at Walmart without incident… almost.  There was a slight second in the parking lot where I may or may not have come close to not yielding to pedestrians.  Okay, there was, but it was good that I did end up yielding because the pedestrians turned out to be my sister’s roommate and her family. That could have been an awkward semester.

There we were, in Walmart, minding our business as we snaked through the aisles, picking up ONLY what was necessary. (just in case you’re reading this, Dad) Out of no where our eyes were irrevocably assaulted.  It is still painful to talk about so I’ll ask you to just see the photo below.

There was no sand, I didn't hear waves, this is NOT okay to wear... even to Walmart! I’ll just say this… a major strike 3 for humanity (see post Part I).

After hitting up the drive-through therapy center, ok not really, but wouldn’t that be a good idea?  I’d imagine it would improve the over all mood the of the general public on any given day.  We made it back to my sister’s apartment unloaded and put away groceries and other purchased supplies and hung out with her roommies.

I even got to meet a “little.”  Now you either know what this is… or you don’t.  I did not.  It is what the “little sisters” of a sorority are refereed to.  Those that take these little sisters under their wing are called “bigs.”  So yes, there are people roaming around out there constantly asking where their “bigs” and “littles” are.  But I digress.

Later that night I was wiped… On the plus side, I now know what goes into and will be prepared for taking my child to college.  I decided to stay in and head to bed early while my sister went out to catch up with her friends.  Upon making this decision however, I did not know there was a frat house behind the hotel.  Ergo I forwent any notion I had of sleeping and stayed up and read.  A little while later, the police came and broke up the party.  No, I am not the one who called, but I did take minor pleasure at the site below.

The next day we learned from our mistake and woke up early enough to catch the breakfast buffet in the hotel restaurant.  Since I would be staying my last night with my sister, we packed up, checked out, and headed to her apartment.  We ended the afternoon with a second, less traumatic, trip to (a different) Walmart.

Now pay attention because this is where it gets good and all of our faith in humanity can be restored.  We went to PF Changs for dinner and ended up sitting next to a really sweet couple.  After a few random ice breakers, curtesy of our waitress, we actually engaged in a nice conversation with the couple.  We chatted, we laughed, we even shared tofu.

It turned out their son had graduated from my sisters school and the couple lived near where my grandparents lived in Florida for the winter.  When it was time to pay the bill, my sister put in cash and I threw in my debit card.  When it came back, everything was still there with a note, “Your bill is paid in full, thank the couple next to you.”

Nora and I were both in shock and couldn’t say enough “thank you’s” to our knew friends.  They had paid for our dinner and didn’t even know our names!  As they stood to leave, we introduced ourselves, and then they headed out of the restaurant.

Once we left and were in the car we realized we didn’t even know their last name or how to contact them and probably wouldn't see them again.  So we just contented ourselves in being thankful for the random kindness of strangers that is not shown often enough in the world we live in.

The next morning I said goodbye to Nora as I dropped her off at class.  It probably would have been a more emotional goodbye if I hadn’t been desperately trying to avoid hitting the thousands of students I was surrounded by.  I only came close once, when I was backing out of Starbucks, with my Iced Caramel Macchiato for the road.  Thank goodness for the King Ranch and those little back-up beeps!

Xo,
Lauren

today, I was inspired by a pigeon...

Back to school leaves very little time for blogging.... I still owe you a little more of the Ohio trip.... in the interim this will have to tide you over....

So after a bit of a long and unusually hot day, I found myself on the way back to my apartment.  Class had gone well, but I had intended to stop at the Urgent Care to see if they could do something about my sinuses.  It took three unsuccessful trips up and down on the elevator for me to realize the Urgent Care was no longer where it had been before I went home for the summer. Well actually it took someone watching as I pushed Floor 3 several times with nothing happening to ask if I was lost, then direct me to the front desk with the new location of the Urgent Care... Turns out it had moved several blocks.

As that plan went up in smoke, I gave up, went back to school to fill out some paper work, grabbed a few necessities from Walgreens along with some take out from New Mings, and made my way to the school shuttle stop. Yesss, I could have walked... but it was another ten blocks and it was hotttt, so I succumbed to the air conditioning of the shuttle.  Well... I thought I was succumbing to the air conditioning of the shuttle, but once I actually got on and made my way to the only available seat way way way in the back, and sat down, I realized there was no air conditioning.

I finally made it to my stop and was quite eager to get home, when I came across a one footed pigeon hopping along on the sidewalk.  Believe it or not, this pigeon appeared happy.  I know how crazy that sounds, but it was with other pigeons doing pigeon things and it wasn't letting the fact that he or she only had one foot get it down.  I'd like to say I stopped and helped it out, but I was partly in shock and partly fascinated. I did stop myself from taking a picture because I felt that would be crossing some sort of line and definitely not respecting the pigeon.

I know we all get annoyed by pigeons.  I have this one particular memory of being in Disney with my family. Although the details are hazy, I can picture my grandmother's ice cream bar suddenly missing a large portion in the shape of an upside down triangle.  So that was traumatic for everyone involved.  However when you really think about it, I mean really, really think about it, we have it way better than pigeons and we shouldn't be so harsh with them.

And like my pigeon friend, who I've since decided was a male and have named Gus, it is important to not let the big things or the little things stop us from enjoying our lives.  The minute you start thinking about how you're having a bad day, remember there is someone out there having a worse one but making the best of it anyway.

I said before, I couldn't bring myself to take a picture of Gus, but I have since googled a picture of a footless pigeon (well technically this one is missing a leg too), just so you can get an idea of what the little guy was dealing with on the sidewalks of San Francisco.

Xo,
Lauren

just because it’s illegal, doesn’t make it a bad idea!

Disclaimer #1: Don’t get to excited by the title, no jail worthy crimes were actually committed.

Disclaimer #2: This is only Part I, even if you don’t find it interesting you have now committed yourself to sticking around for Parts II & III.


So without further ado..

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote “This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it” and as they say, life is what you make of it. It can be enjoyable regardless of whether you’re at a private celebrity packed post Oscar party or a ten hour car ride with your sister.  In the interest of not hurting anyone’s feelings I am not going to reveal which one I’d secretly rather be in attendance for :)

Two weeks ago I drove my sister, Nora back to Ohio for her senior year of college. Wellll, technically SHE drove us :) The drive went by too quickly and we literally counted down, by the mile, to the official end of our summer vacation.  After a couple stops and a bit of traffic, our seven hour car ride quickly turned into ten and yet still seemed not quite long enough.

We headed out Friday around noon in the King Ranch (courtesy of our dad). Skies were blue, country tunes were playing on The Highway on Sirius XM, and the navigation system had our complete trust (but only after we realized it wasn’t taking us in a circle as we had originally thought).


After stocking up and spending five minutes wondering why a guy would need to bring a horse to a gas station, it was time to return to the open road.  “We” drove on for a couple hundred more miles and sang out of tune to a few dozen more songs before we hit stand still traffic. Solution: abandon the thruway for the back roads!

Side note: When traffic started to slow down, we passed this ridiculous woman in the picture on the right.  She was texting like she was on the floor at the stock exchange handling millions of dollars, not driving her car on a jam-packed thruway!!!! The semi behind her kept having to hit his breaks, so of course I needed a few snapshots! Strike one for humanity.



Attempt one of "abandon thruway" failed as by the time we illegally rode the shoulder to the exit, traffic had picked back up and we changed our minds.  Unfortunately we were tricked and just on the other side of the overpass we hit worse traffic than before.  What to do? We just passed the only exit for the next several miles and we were moving at a rate of one five feet every ten minutes. Solution: Ride the other shoulder illegally to make an illegal u-turn through the grass, all the while keeping our fingers crossed that there were no cops lurking nearby.  And if there were, the car that did it ahead of us would be the one to get caught!

Operation “turn around” was successful and we finally had the opportunity to make Rodney Atkins proud by ditching the “backed-up traffic” to “tear down some two lane country" roads.

After miles of farms, charming no name towns, and several more strained vocal chords, we returned to the hustle and bustle of the thruway, with just a little over two hours left to go.

So back to my issues with humanity. I’m saddened the way people are trying to take God out of this country. Thank goodness He sticks around regardless :) My point is that humanity redeemed itself ever so slightly when we saw the below sign standing proud next to the thruway.

But as the saying goes, “The Lord giveth and He taketh away”... and humanity has some more work to do because this is what we saw next:

How is THAT not a seat-belt violation?  Strike Two!

This part of the story ends with us arriving safely at our destination, unpacking half of the car, and sharing a pizza before crashing in our hotel. Stay tuned for Part II which includes a retina damaging picture from Walmart...

Happy Labor Day!

Xo,
Lauren